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Fortress Republican Brain Keeps America Safe From Americans

Fortress Republican Brain Keeps America Safe From Americans

Britannia hospital brain 2

As Republicans, with their brains’ thick, distended amygdalae rush to wall the country off from Ebola-ridden Liberians, ISIS infiltrators, Guatemalan children surrendering at the border seeking refuge from murderous circumstances, and suspicious brown-skinned future Democrats of every nationality, it’s important to remember how terrified they are of Americans too.

It’s also important to remember…

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Everybody, And God Himself Wants To Kill Me I Guess

Everybody, And God Himself Wants To Kill Me I Guess

chopper

My television, always a fickle companion even in the best of times, has turned on me with a vengeance in recent days. I was not surprised at all that CNN, long ago having relegated nuance, and non-yellowish journalism to the dustbin of history declared another fatwa on me, but the others have joined in too.

No sooner had the TV-induced nightmares begun to subside after Walter White was downsized…

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Chase Republicans With Baseball Bats, Or Give It Up

Chase Republicans With Baseball Bats, Or Give It Up

baseball bat 2

Perhaps it’s an entirely futile endeavor teaching self-defense to liberals and Democrats. And yes, my pacifism probably needs work.

And speaking of futile endeavors, God knows the American media hold the conviction their careers would remain intact even under the governance of The Ebola For Everybody Party (just slightly more onerous than the Republican Party).

I can hear them on Meet The…

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Obama, Decimator Of America, And Distant Lands, Or Not

Obama, Decimator Of America, And Distant Lands, Or Not

Gods-of-Greece-greek-mythology-16435693-468-553

In the imagination of the Republican caliphate, from elected officials to the glorious low-information base that drives it, President Barack Obama exists somewhere between, and indeed everywherebetween a feckless, emasculated, simpering, cowardly example of utter abasement, and an omnipotent figure capable of changing the course of mighty rivers, besieging the land with plague and tyranny,…

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How I Save Republicans From The Chore Of Their Cynicism and The Labors of Their Dissimulation

How I Save Republicans From The Chore Of Their Cynicism and The Labors of Their Dissimulation

repression

Not insensitive even to the foul-breathed craphounds who live among us, I worry when I observe that Republicans trod the public stage with little evident joie de vivre, the poor souls’ bearing visibly encumbered, even their posture put upon. Of course I want to help.

You’d think Republicans would be in better humor. They control a paltry one-half a branch of government and yet America is all but…

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How I Save Republicans From The Chore Of Their Cynicism and The Labors of Their Dissimulation

How I Save Republicans From The Chore Of Their Cynicism and The Labors of Their Dissimulation

repression

Not insensitive even to the foul-breathed craphounds who live among us, I worry when I observe that Republicans trod the public stage with little evident joie de vivre, the poor souls’ bearing visibly encumbered, even their posture put upon. Of course I want to help.

You’d think Republicans would be in better humor. They control a paltry one-half a branch of government and yet America is all but…

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Zombie-Fucker Dick Cheney And His Zombie-Fucker Family Rule All Of Hell

Zombie-Fucker Dick Cheney And His Zombie-Fucker Family Rule All Of Hell

dick cheney

One of the dearest moments in family values history transpired recently somewhere in the Wyoming annex of Hades, when the American Mussolini Richard Bruce Cheney and his hydrocephalic spawn Liz, appeared in an ad denouncing national security mental wellness, and smugly gave America the wonderful news it has long awaited: formation of some Alliance for a Stronger America.Whether membership in…

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The Political Question of the Day Is: How Much Would You Mind Being Dead?

The Political Question of the Day Is: How Much Would You Mind Being Dead?

smiling corpse

I am less puzzled perhaps that many Americans search for their motivation to vote, than that so few become disabused of the propaganda they ingest on a continuous basis advocating policies that at best degrade their existence or at worst imperil it, to the point of revulsion or revolt.

In fairness to today’s Republican elected officials, they are surprisingly flexible, and utterly accommodating…

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John Boehner, Rick Perry, John McCain & Republicans Everywhere Say Very Silly Things Almost All The Time, As The Press Listens Closely

John Boehner, Rick Perry, John McCain & Republicans Everywhere Say Very Silly Things Almost All The Time, As The Press Listens Closely

people at microphone

By every indication, the American mainstream press, and more specifically and spectacularly guilty, CNN and the broadcast network Sunday shows believe the American politics they are covering are a very serious endeavor indeed. I beg to differ.

One question that troubles my sleep, and may trouble yours, is if there is any disqualifying quantity or quality of inanity that can disentitle a given…

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Hey Stupid, You Don’t Have A Constitutional Right To Own a Gun (The NRA & Pro-Murder Club Put Several More Notches In Their Belt In Isla Vista)

Hey Stupid, You Don’t Have A Constitutional Right To Own a Gun (The NRA & Pro-Murder Club Put Several More Notches In Their Belt In Isla Vista)

lambs-to-the-slaughter (1)

2008 Republican tchotchke, and half-sentient symbol of a faux working class, hustler Joe the Plumber advised the father of dead Isla Vista victim Christopher Martinez that “Your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights.”

Sorry, chucklehead, but your inanity only trumps itself. With all due respect to your constitutional scholasticism, what you have instead of the right you think you have…

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